Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?  A. 45 lbs. 
Q. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?  A. Sexual harrassment. 
Q. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A. $3.99 a minute. 
Q. How can you tell if your wife is dead? A. The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. 
Q. Why did the cavemen pull their women around by the hair? A. Because if they had pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud. 
Q. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A. Humpme Dumpme. 
Q. What's the difference between a paycheck and your schlong? A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck. 
Q. What's it called when a woman's paralized from the waist down? A. Marriage. 
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done? A. Made her chain too long. 
Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? A. None - they just sit there in the dark and biach. 
Q. Why is a hurricane like a woman? A. It starts with a great blow, but when it's over, your house and car are gone. 
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A. A woman would never accept a 3.5 inch floppy........and a computer can't turn a 3.5 floppy into a hard drive in a matter of seconds. 
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A. The porcupine has pricks on the outside. 